I Miss You
by Superschwiizer
Summary: Alfred reminisces about his beloved while tending to their baby girl. Yaoi, AmeCan. More warnings inside.


**This is just a little something I wrote after reading a really sad little section of a fic while on tumblr. I was crying, shaky...and I couldn't help but to write something this sad. I just had to. And...if you don't like it...I'm really sorry... I had to write it.**

**Warnings: Character Death (Before Story), Hints of Mpreg that Took Place Before the Story, Angst  
**

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Alfred could still remember every little thing about him. Every like, dislike, smile, lock of hair…he could remember everything about him. Those lavender eyes always trained on his own cobalt ones…those tiny hands that gripped onto his big ones with such fear that it broke his heart…

Why did it have to end so soon? Why did they have to be torn apart in that way?

It wasn't fair. _It wasn't fair!_

Alfred flopped back down on the bed he and Mathieu used to share, running a hand back through his sandy blonde locks. He let out a soft sigh as he looked up at the ceiling…the one he and Mathieu had painted together. Now the stars and moon he was staring at were just a painful memory of when his beloved was still with him. When they still thought that they were going to be together forever and ever; until they had both passed away, holding hands on their shared couch so tightly that they would have to be buried together. That had been the ideal for them…

But that wasn't allowed for them to have.

It had been six months since Alfred had lost Mathieu; six excruciating months that he had to spend all alone. Sure Arthur and Francis would come to visit and try to introduce him to new people, but none of them were the same. None of them smiled right, laughed right, breathed right… None of them were his beloved Mathieu and no one could ever replace him.

A sudden cry sounded through the house and Alfred bolted up. He couldn't allow himself to drown in his sadness for too long. He had a baby that needed tending to.

So, Alfred pushed himself up as best he could and made his way down the long hallway and into his daughter's room.

Axelle looked exactly like Mathieu as she wailed in her crib. With wavy blonde hair and beautiful lavender eyes that were squeezed tightly shut, one could almost mistake her for Mathieu when he was a baby. Every time Alfred saw the little bundle of life that Mathieu had given him in his last hours he immediately felt better. Axelle was the only reason that he had to be alive anymore. He had to raise her to love unconditionally no matter what and to always try her very hardest; even if people told her she couldn't do something. He had to raise her into someone that Mathieu could be proud of as he watched them from heaven. And he would do just that.

"Hush, sweetheart… Daddy's here…" Alfred cooed gently, carefully lifting Axelle up from the crib and into his arms.

Mathieu had given his life to bring this tiny little thing into the world. Nearly three months early, Axelle wasn't supposed to survive. But Mathieu had wanted her to live no matter what so with the finally bit of his will, he gave his life in exchange for her being able to live. He had sacrificed himself for their daughter. Mathieu had always been so selfless.

Axelle quieted the moment he was curled in Alfred's arms, instead reducing into soft little whimpers and whines as she latched onto her father's shirt. Alfred smiled sadly at his baby girl, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. All she had needed was to be held close, nothing more and nothing else.

"Daddy is here, baby…and Mama is too. He's looking down on you from the stars and the sun and the moon. He's the wind that blows through your hair when we sit outside and the flowers that tickle your nose when I hold you to look at that. He's the gentle kissed the ocean will lap at your little toes whenever we go there to play. And he's the love that is inside of your Daddy for you. Mama and Daddy will always love you more than anything in the world."

Alfred was crying now. Hot tears were streaming down his cheeks, falling gently onto the downy blonde hair on Axelle's sweet little head. But neither of them seemed bothered by it at all since Axelle was now asleep.

This was so no hero-like at all. He shouldn't be crying now because of the memory of his precious Mathieu. He should be smiling because he was remembering his beloved and the beautiful person that he was. Mathieu wouldn't have wanted him to break down like this whenever he even heard his name or saw a picture of him. But he just could not help it. He just missed him so, so much.

"Mathieu…" Alfred whispered, tears overflowing faster as he utter that sacred name into his baby girl's hair. "God, Mathieu…you don't know how much I miss you…"

And as Alfred was standing there, cradling his baby girl in his arms and whispering over and over how much he loved and missed her mama, he felt as if Mathieu was still there with him. That love they shared was never going to vanish and if that was the only thing he had to hold on to after Mathieu's death along with Axelle, then that was okay. He would never forget those few years he had with Mathieu.

"I love you, Mattie…"

_I love you too, Alfred…_

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__**So...I hope that you liked this at least a little bit and that I filled you with all of the feels. I'll probably add more little drabbles onto this one as chapters. They will not be connected in any way, though. They will just be based off of my raw emotions at that time. I find that is one of the best ways to write; when you are feeling one emotion and you just need to pour it out for the world to see. I think I will start doing that with _Breathe _and _Autumn Doe._ It will most likely help me to work out the problems with those and to get everything perfect so I can update. I hope you read more from me!  
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**Rate and Review  
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**~Superschwiizer  
**


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